A Letter To An Old Perfectionist

Forgive yourself for the times you stumbled upstairs without a "Goodnight" to your parents. Forgive yourself for the days you thought coffee was the only food group you needed. Forgive yourself for sticking around people that didn't make you feel important. Forgive yourself for letting another influence the thoughts you worked so hard to conquer. Forgive yourself for leaving early to just be alone. 

Forgive yourself for shunning your mind when it sang only sweet words of your body. And to hell with what others think. Forgive yourself for saying your hips were nothing but 'gross'. One day they will anchor shopping, laundry, heavy burdens and a few sneaky treats. Forgive yourself for the nights you couldn't sleep and thought of only the negative. Positivity arrived eventually and those nights hold no grudges. Forgive yourself for feeling angry, fear was big and biting. It's done, let go. 

Celebrate that your story is full to the brim with major departures and even bigger arrivals. This is your life now, don't forget to laugh. Stand up straight, you have all the armour you could ever need. See with wide eyes and believe with an open mind.

❊

Links Love #8

// "Just three little letters, a word that is really nothing special..."

// Who wouldn't want a popcorn covered car?!

// Another beautiful post from Alix.

// Why it's impossible to make plans anymore.

// Perspective.

// If tomorrow starts without me.

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A Poem For Today | 2

Loss

She had been in my mind that day,

Friendly, open

We knew

How things were

And how she had perceived them

In the past

It seemed so clear

And so complete.

Not until after the telephone call

Did it seem

So terribly complete.

❊

This Week #10 | Planning Epiphanies

I'm going to cheat a little for this post and that's mostly because it's been a storm recently, the kind of the storm that shakes you up, leaves you feeling a little defeated and then washes an abundance of goodness over you.

Just over a week in and adulthood is treating me pretty well - I have few complaints. If it's taught me anything so far it's this:

• I am beyond blessed
• Photos are important
• Some people will always be bitter
• Friends that you can consider family are well worth keeping
• A lot of people know me better than I thought
• Worrying is a time waster
• Wine is lethal but croissants are comforting

This year has been stellar and there's still a few months to go. Big things are coming up soon. I've got money to save, plans to make, photos to take, songs to dance to and people to love. No amount of worrying, winter demons or negativity will stand in the way. It's time now and I'm going to triumph.

❊

Eighteen and Bloody Marvelous

I feel infinite. Now, I can't yet tell if that's due to the amount of wine my chums and I indulged in last week or if it's because I'm now eighteen and feeling a little freer.

Either way, it feels fantastic.

❊

What Do You Wish Was Taught At School?

The emotions I saw on A-level Results Day sparked some ideas. Some weren't bothered by the outcome of a years work, some were happy, some felt hard done by. All of which are understandable. Sometimes exam results have a tendency to remind us that even if we work our asses off, in terms of letters on a piece of paper at the end of Summer, it won't always be what you expect.

So it got me thinking, what if schools taught some stuff I actually really want to know, not just how to break down formulae and find 'x'.

In an ideal world, these are the four subjects that would have got me that little bit further:

1. Money
What credit cards are available, mortgages, renting, the difference between a savings and current account, what happens when you're overdrawn, what tax you have to pay and why. Ok, it sounds pretty dull but let's be honest, I'm damn scared about all this stuff and I haven't got a clue where to start. If someone had given me the heads up when I was still at school, and told me the best ways to save and earn, I would have paid attention.

2. Social Skills
I don't just mean with peers and those in the workplace here. Worldwide travel is now more accessible than ever and it's common to see those on their gap year jetting of to Asia or inter-railing around Europe. Learning how to greet someone, their traditions and customs would surely only help generations connect with a wider audience and become more aware.

3. House and Home
Before anyone gets on their high horse, I'm not talking about women having a meal ready for the working man when he walks through the door. This more along the lines of practical jobs; things like bleeding a radiator, changing a lightbulb without electrocuting yourself across the room, gas and water maintenance... you know, those skills you aren't born with.

4. Politics
I've just hit the age that allows me to vote, this is pretty terrifying and that's mostly because I have no idea how the system works. The country would benefit a whole lot if students were taught about voting, political parties/policies and elections. More people would feel able to vote with confidence and it would hopefully diminish the amount of people living in a country they don't understand.

 

❊

You Have Time

If you listen to one thing, absorb and admire one thing today, let it be that you have time. More time than you think. 

You can stay for that second round of drinks. Walk home at half the pace you would normally, the bricks and dinner will still be there when you arrive. Take that extra ten minutes of sleep, you need it. Leave for work a little later than planned, the fresh pastries and juice will be worth it. 

You have time to ring your parents a few time a week - at least. You have time get sick and take the week off, you’re human. Go on holiday, don’t rush the bright days and blissful nights.

Take your lunch outside, there’s time to indulge. Spend that extra half an hour at the park with the kids, ‘catch up TV’ is a thing now.

Keep performing little miracles, you’re changing something big, even if you can't see it yet. You can be kind, humble, patient.

Know that the world doesn’t move as quickly as you do.

❊

Links Love #7

// "I could leave my house without makeup, but here's why I don't."

// Chris Wall from Soft Bullets for Burberry Acoustic - breathtaking.

// 20 questions to ask - or be ready to answer!

// "It was all great, until I saw this message..."

// The Price of Success: "We hate the 1% and we want to be the 1% in equal measures."

// Loving: this, this, this and this.

❊

Free Indeed

It's only now, a few days before everyone heads back to school for a new year, that I'm realising the summer months of this year have been so many things. A bubble, an escape, free, home, enlightening and I suppose most of all, the best damn hazy days and alive nights I've ever had the pleasure of absorbing.

Selfish me is screaming: "I don't want this to end! Let's do more. Let's drive until 3am. Let's do all that important stuff on six hours less sleep than we really need. Stay. We can keep this enormous bubble of happy and irresponsible for a while yet. I'm not done."
Alas, selfish me can't win this one. They have to go back to school, study for exams, find jobs, get in to good universities; I think I'm just protective of what has been, we've found something mutual and don't want to give it up, it's instinct I guess.

We're not ready. That's the truest bit. We're dreading change. We're mixed up. Alone and together. Breathing fine and gasping for air simultaneously. But mostly, well mostly, we're fearless. And that's why we'll get through this year in style, ready to do it all again when the clocks go forward.

❊

Dear September...

The hazy summer days are done now, that's something I can't quite grasp. They somehow managed to blur in to one and I lost all sense of time and responsibility.

September, you've certainly come around a lot sooner than I expected. I thought I'd feel apprehensive because eighteen sounds like an age where you should be free and have it completely figured out at the same time. And I don't really think I'm any of those things, which is just fine.

Instead, I feel appreciative. For the little things. I'm happy to be here. To experience Autumn and colder sunshine. To be able to welcome the morning breezes that will softly dance around me. Many aren't so lucky. So here's to the smaller chunks of happiness. To being here. Being mindful. Appreciating every second.

Here we go, September, let's make eighteen the best yet.

❊