Monday Musings

Excited for: Lots of laughing. I'm going to see Russell Howard this Sunday and excitement is definitely taking over!

Listening to: Ben L'Oncle Soul. A soulful, French singer songwriter?! Well damn, I am sold. After being introduced to his music by my older brother around a year ago I'm still loving it. Perfect on a warm summer evening or even as a winter pick me up.

Planning: A whole heap of journeys I want to take... providing I pass my driving test. There's a lot of places I want to see, explore, wander through and passing my driving test later in the month would really help me along with this. Motivation to pass: check!

Writing: Stacks of notes/revision. I say revision but it's more doodles, musings, thoughts, brainstorms, peculiar facts I'm unlikely to ever need. 

Wishing for: Just a little more sunshine. Brighter, longer days have been very appealing lately.

Loving: The beautiful sunsets that grace the sky each evening.

❊

Expectations vs. Results

Recently, I've come to realise (and it's been mentioned by many) that I function on anxious energy.

So when the time came for me to take my Driving Theory Test, you can only imagine the terror that struck me.

Being of this anxious nature, my expectation was that I wouldn't pass - this worry was then thrust upon many people I care for (I apologise profusely). Predominantly, for me, the fear is what it means to fail.

What does it mean to fail?

I'm still largely unsure, and that's not because I've never failed at anything - believe me, I have - it's more because I'm not sure it means anything.

Take, for example, that 'diet' everyone's been meaning to start and stick to. Let's turn the idea around; that stranger you passed on the street, they don't give a damn what and how much you've eaten today. And neither does that guy who served you coffee.

Perhaps, failing [at that 'diet'] is just fine. So what you ate that cake? The world hasn't ended, and you are still very much alive.

I have learnt that:

• The results often exceed expectations.
• Failing doesn't make you a failure.
• Theory tests aren't so bad.
• You'll get there when the time is right - self hate isn't okay at any size.

❊