From My Notebook

I feel this to be a necessity. It's necessary to help my brain compute what's happening. To help me understand then and now. And that both are okay.

If this is what's right for you then I support it.

Entirely.

All I ask is that you recognise this will reshuffle my life and understanding.

Having two beds to sleep in isn't something I'd ever considered until now.

What if one is softer than the other? What if one gives me nightmares and I can't sleep?

Please don't consider it favouritism if one suits me better.

When I started this notebook, in June last year, I never imagined the last few pages would harbour such great change.

But it mirrors my journey. How we've all changed. How you've helped me grow and how I've grown myself.

--

I'm not angry. I'm yet to feel anything, if truth be told. That evening of change brought only numbness.  

So please, I haven't abandoned all feeling and I don't despise.

I ask that you give me time to absorb this new chapter.

Recently, when speaking to a friend, they asked me to see this as a new chapter. And I hope to.

That's what this will be. Something new.

I'll do things I may not have done otherwise.

I'm yet to need a helping hand. I'm yet to crave a firm hug when it all feels too much - though many have already been offered.

Nothing feels to be crashing around me, yet. But if it does, I'll call for you.

And when I do, please still be there. As a team. As one unit.

As one unit of support. As the one cohesive 'thing' I've grown up with.

❊