Tuesday, 29 July 2014

Hey, It's OK:

// To talk to your pet more than people some days.
// To not want to drink.
// When you have a bad day. Punch tomorrow in the face.
// To 'forget' to dust all those little bits and bobs you probably should have thrown out ages ago.
// To eat sweetcorn from the tin... Despite what your Mother says.

Sunday, 27 July 2014

Therapy Of The Fruity Kind

I didn't realise it at the time, but an afternoon, with my chum, fruit picking (and eating) was exactly what I needed. It's quite humbling, you're in this vast space, surrounded by hundreds of plants that do nothing but sunbathe and grow. Then some little bugger picks them and takes them home. Smoothies, jam, cake decorations... Or three kilos of snacks. I suppose there are worse things to make you feel sick.

Thursday, 24 July 2014

On Being Just Where I Am

It's 4am and that's the only way I can justify the madness of this.

I'm a little sad. But in a mostly sweet way. 

It's like I'm about to turn a corner and my right foot has hit the accelerator, but the clutch (under my left) just won't come up. It's ripe and scary and good and I can't afford to stall.

I'm suspicious of the corner, I don't trust it. I can't reverse back around this one. And I don't know if it'll be enough.

And that makes me a little sad. But good sad. Because I think it might be enough. I hope it will be.
So I'll lick my lips, taste the sadness and give thanks for its peculiar flavour.

Tuesday, 22 July 2014

To Be Grateful For:

// Mornings that are bright enough for a little Yoga session outside.
// Porridge with lashings of cinnamon.
// People that make it easy for you not to worry.
// How easy it is to travel nowadays.
// Good views.
// Having all your senses in tact (even if common sense isn't one of them).
// Books books books.
// Fits of laughter followed by desperate gasps for oxygen.

Sunday, 20 July 2014

This Week #7

I'm not really sure about this week. It's kind of been a mixed bag (I say that nearly every time I write this post but hey, at least I'm consistent)!
If saner heads hadn't prevailed I'd probably be huddled in a corner, weeping. Alas, I've just about managed to keep it together.

The 'Go it Alone' thing happened on Tuesday. It was weird. But surprisingly, less daunting than first expected. Although, I'm glad it was early in the week because my head had been going non-stop crazy during the build up. I didn't and don't yet feel a sense of relief; or even grief for that matter, I'm just manically peaceful. Most likely it'll take me a few days to a week to realise what's actually happened and what's going to happen and I reckon when it hits I'll find a little hideaway and just be still.

Bar a few (more) car mishaps, an attempt to find solidarity at the bottom of (three) beer bottles and extremely long walks home it's probably been one of my calmer weeks. And that is saying something because there's a lot I can't condense for this post. I like the idea of writing it all down, documenting it here, on paper, in photos. Then, at the same time I like my little private thoughts and memories. So really, I could be writing about the normality and routine of my week whilst sat in the Sahara Dessert - unlikely as the WiFi is probably terrible, but you get the idea, my week could have been wild and completely illegal and you wouldn't know because I haven't typed it here.

I actually wrote this in the early hours of this morning, with most of my friends asleep (on floor) in the room next door. It can be a little romanticised and fickle sometimes, but I love it. And I still don't know whether to laugh or cringe at the amount of times "This is so Skins" has been said in the last week.
Someone tell me how I scored this lot. 
My laughter generators at 2am when I have to be up at six.

Thursday, 17 July 2014

Homesick Vagabond

It was as if you disappeared off the face of the earth for a while. 
You didn’t leave town when things got bad, that I’m sure of - purely because that would have been running away and we both know you only walk.

You should know it was hard for me too. Hell, I thought I’d never see you laugh again, but I know now that all that space was right for you, it helped you find the good.

And now, every time you grin so wide it hurts, I swear I can see the plants growing towards you.

You got your light back. I’m proud of you.

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

From Sandi Toksvig

When I was a student at Cambridge I remember an Anthropology Professor holding up a picture of a bone with 28 incisions carved in it. 
“This is often considered to be man’s first attempt at a calendar,” she explained. She paused as we dutifully wrote down. “My question to you is this: what man needs to mark 28 days? I would suggest to you that this is woman’s first attempt at a calendar.” 
It was that moment that changed my life. In that second, I stopped to question almost everything I had been taught about the past.
How often had I overlooked women’s contributions?

Thursday, 10 July 2014

Today. Yesterday. The Last Month.

I take on too much. It’s a bit of a vicious cycle. 
Essentially, that is the root of my issues. My head probably says, “Hey Alessia, for everything to be merry and dandy you should definitely try to cope with more than humanly possible.” And I probably respond with, “Sure, great idea, let’s go!”
I guess the silly thing in all that is that I consider my head and I to be two separate entities. Which isn’t strictly true, I mean, we are pretty attached.

To add to it, I have a really lousy habit. I call it ‘panic, without process’. Someone will say something (a complement, a criticism), or I’ll be given a responsibility and my immediate reaction is to just panic - internally that is. So you can imagine this doesn’t really aid many situations, at all. I think it’s one of those things I know is bad, I know I do it but I just can’t stop doing it. Kind of like people who want to stop reading five books at a time but can’t (I also do that too). It usually takes anywhere from half an hour to three days for this initial panic to wear off. And let me tell you, that is a mighty long three days.

So if that didn’t quite make it clear. I’m struggling.

(Oh here we go, a soppy post, a post about finding inner peace, dealing with all those responsibilities, being an adult, exploring the world).

Hand on heart, I know it’ll work out. Chances are I am just fretting over very little. Chances are, most people I know will tell me that - daily. The thing that gets me though, is it doesn’t feel like very little, it feels like a whole damn lot. It feels like I won’t have it all figured out in time, I won’t be ready. If anything, all that worry should drive me to figure it out, to be ready. But it doesn’t, it just really doesn’t. It makes me want to hibernate with a big pile of books and lots of strawberries. It makes me want to go for long drives, take pictures, do angst-ridden teen stuff. It makes me question all my mantras and motivations.

I keep telling myself that it’s okay for this one to take a little longer to figure out. Even if a day really does feel like a year. It’s okay.

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Links Love #4

// 2 minutes of exquisite ballet.

// Attack of the cute!

// If you read one thing this week, make it this - two guys living meaningful lives with less stuff.

// Train surfing in South Africa.

// Reasons to meditate.

// What London gives you when you want Italian; House of Peroni.

Sunday, 6 July 2014

Negative vs. Positive

 Energy is contagious; positive and negative alike.

We all know it's pretty easy to get stuck in a bit of a negative rut. Be it through our own thinking or circumstances thrust upon us.
Let's not forget we can't help but absorb the comments we hear about the choices we make on daily basis - that can be tough, we're all human and we're all trying to get by. 

A few years ago, I wouldn't have been able to see the positives that come with the negatives. Now I'm older, I've learnt there's a balance with everything.

  •  I missed a lot of school & left early with few qualifications vs. I'm working somewhere I love and saving to travel. 
Earlier this year when I made the decision to leave school I faced a bit of criticism, you can imagine the kind; "What will you do?" "What about uni?" "You're not going to be able to get in to writing or any higher jobs." Now, don't get me wrong, I understand these things were said with the best of intentions but it's not as though I hadn't considered these ideas - I took them in to consideration and ultimately still knew this was the right thing for me.
I'm lucky enough to be working somewhere that continues to help me grow and educates me on a daily basis - that's something I wouldn't trade. And the fact it's aiding me in saving to travel is a bonus.

  • My great Nana passed away vs. Someone gained a new, loved home.
It may have taken a over a year to sort the house out after 'Foo' passed away (at the ripe age of 100) but now it's done a new family have the opportunity to plant their roots. They're in a well loved home and are now closer than they've ever be to their own family.

  • My brother lives over 5,000+ miles away vs. He's doing what he loves.
It can be pretty tough being so far away from someone you grew up with. The plus side is that I know he's doing what he loves and is gaining life experiences beyond measure. In a world where the internet and technology is ever growing it's a big relief things like Skype and online chats are around, that kind of thing wouldn't have been possible 15-20 years ago.

We learn some of our biggest lessons through our struggles and there's little that can replace those individual experiences. It's the perspective we adopt that alters what we learn.

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Dear July...

The first half of the year seems to have disappeared. That, or I have disappeared.

Something big is set to happen this month.
In two weeks, to be exact.
I'm going to go it alone. It's not a huge deal, but it's pretty big.
I'm ready and I'm not.

So I ask one thing of you, July; be powerful.

Keep me busy, keep me grounded.

Also, if you're feeling extra generous, some lovely weather wouldn't go amiss.