That's the thing no one really braces you for. Or maybe they do, but it doesn't really make sense until you're neck-deep in shit, is that stress is not just one layer thick.
Excuse the Shrek reference, but it's like an onion.
It goes on and on, yes in slow succession, still, don't doubt its strength.
Sounds agonising, doesn't it?
That's another thing, it's not, entirely.
Don't declare me a fool just yet. I know, it can be remarkably uncomfortable. And I would always advise that you don't make it home.
The more I grow, the more I believe that it's important, as human beings, to acknowledge that discomfort, and sit with it, comfortably.
And stress?
Well, stress can be pretty useful. It helps us decide what is worth that treacherous discomfort, and what is not.
And some things really aren't worth it.
I spent eight months bracing myself for battle each morning. 8am, sharp.
And each morning, I felt my body tense with an arrogant fear. And that fear, that stress, well, there wasn't any damn value in it.
It didn't make me better.
It didn't make me stronger.
It was to be survived.
And while there was a speck of value in biding my time, there was a whole heap more in leaving.
And leave I did. I abandoned it.
I left because ultimately, I believed in greater things.
That's the other loop hole that's easy to miss.
The truly spectacular process of discovering what you believe in.
There are things I believe in.
Whole-heartedly, without question, without fear.
Beliefs that shake me.
They're mostly simple, but the beauty of simple is that often, it aligns with stress evolving.
That shiver becomes something quite magic.
For me, on occasion, sitting down to write is the scariest thing to face - in fact, I've spent the better part of the last few months avoiding it.
Equally, it is the most important thing I know to do.
It moves me forward, makes me better, stronger.
It is a belief I manifest.
It is worth every ounce of stress, fear and bone-shaking awe.
And that is entirely the point.
❊
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