This Week #14 | You'll Get There

Following on from Monday's post, I appear to have lost my balance. Suddenly and all at once.
It's taken nearly a week of really messed up sleep and endless work for me to realise things aren't quite right. I can't quite pinpoint what's triggered it - aside from the lack of sense in my brain - but I know I've lost that bubble in my spirit level. It's either fallen dramatically left, or dramatically right. Neither of which I particularly like the sound of.

This loss of balance has made me realise why I write. Why I tell stories. Why I jump at the chance to read my favourite part of Catcher in the Rye to a dear friend. Why my hands are always less jittery when I'm holding a pen or stabbing (more aggressively than needed) at the keys on my laptop.

It's my release. I'm filling the hole. We're all filling a hole. And it was a recent conversation with a close friend that reiterated this to me. Everyone fills their hole with something; running, smoking, drinking, shopping, working, taking hour long baths and eating sweetcorn from the tin. These tiny victories gives us a simple satisfaction that we lose when we forget that the opinions of others are just that, opinions.

So here it is, why I write.

I write to meditate and soothe. To cast wholesome feelings on to those who have lost their way a little. To romanticise about how I hope I am perceived. To share secrets I cannot utter aloud. To feel even the tiniest connection to the people I wish for. To be better, more creative and grounded. 

I write because sometimes all I have in me are the few words I scribble on paper. 

I write because when someone tells you you lack direction, you show them that you can conquer every direction you see.

❊