Monday Musings

Excited for: Lots of laughing. I'm going to see Russell Howard this Sunday and excitement is definitely taking over!

Listening to: Ben L'Oncle Soul. A soulful, French singer songwriter?! Well damn, I am sold. After being introduced to his music by my older brother around a year ago I'm still loving it. Perfect on a warm summer evening or even as a winter pick me up.

Planning: A whole heap of journeys I want to take... providing I pass my driving test. There's a lot of places I want to see, explore, wander through and passing my driving test later in the month would really help me along with this. Motivation to pass: check!

Writing: Stacks of notes/revision. I say revision but it's more doodles, musings, thoughts, brainstorms, peculiar facts I'm unlikely to ever need. 

Wishing for: Just a little more sunshine. Brighter, longer days have been very appealing lately.

Loving: The beautiful sunsets that grace the sky each evening.

❊

A Story And A Song

After reading Sometimes Sweet's blog post on 'Journal Days' I decided there might be a few prompts that would spark some creativity/ideas. I kept my eyes peeled and to my luck the second prompt was a winner.

Robbie Williams - Mr Bojangles.

This song was the one that lead to a change in taste of music, swing, jazz and blues soon became a firm favourite after this. It hurls me back to when I was a lot younger - mostly reminding me of mini road trips with Pap and taking every Monday morning off to go for coffee and a toasted croissant.

Things have changed a lot since then but there are times when we both still listen to this song. I think the familiar whistling entertains the feeling of nostalgia we share. He longs for a time when I was small enough to sit on his knee and I long for a time when I didn't have to be in school on a Monday .

However nostalgia isn't the only feeling that surrounds Robbie Williams' rendition of this swing classic. Happiness, serenity, ambition and desire for a further utopia all remind me of those car journeys with my best friend, even silence was a welcomed feeling.

One of the first things I think of when I hear this song is the long haul trip we take to Italy every year. It would be around 3am and I'd wake from a slumber to find the car still going at a steady pace, everyone asleep but Dad - not once did he make a fuss about being alone at 3am driving through Switzerland, I admire him for that. 

After a long discussion about the food we couldn't wait to eat and the faces we longed to see, Pap would instinctively put our song on and I'd slowly but surely drift back to sleep.

There have been times when we've sang it, whistled it, cried to it, sat in silence to it, (probably even) bickered over it but it will be a constant and vivid memory of mine. One so vivid I can almost close my eyes and be transported to the same surroundings, weather and emotions that the mellow tune so often linked to.

❊

The Birthday Girl

'If you don't understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child.'

❊

Expectations vs. Results

Recently, I've come to realise (and it's been mentioned by many) that I function on anxious energy.

So when the time came for me to take my Driving Theory Test, you can only imagine the terror that struck me.

Being of this anxious nature, my expectation was that I wouldn't pass - this worry was then thrust upon many people I care for (I apologise profusely). Predominantly, for me, the fear is what it means to fail.

What does it mean to fail?

I'm still largely unsure, and that's not because I've never failed at anything - believe me, I have - it's more because I'm not sure it means anything.

Take, for example, that 'diet' everyone's been meaning to start and stick to. Let's turn the idea around; that stranger you passed on the street, they don't give a damn what and how much you've eaten today. And neither does that guy who served you coffee.

Perhaps, failing [at that 'diet'] is just fine. So what you ate that cake? The world hasn't ended, and you are still very much alive.

I have learnt that:

• The results often exceed expectations.
• Failing doesn't make you a failure.
• Theory tests aren't so bad.
• You'll get there when the time is right - self hate isn't okay at any size.

❊

The Importance Of: Why

At first, I didn't really understand. A little later I thought I had the right idea. And now, well now, I'm still working on it.

❊