Expectations vs. Results

Recently, I've come to realise (and it's been mentioned by many) that I function on anxious energy.

So when the time came for me to take my Driving Theory Test, you can only imagine the terror that struck me.

Being of this anxious nature, my expectation was that I wouldn't pass - this worry was then thrust upon many people I care for (I apologise profusely). Predominantly, for me, the fear is what it means to fail.

What does it mean to fail?

I'm still largely unsure, and that's not because I've never failed at anything - believe me, I have - it's more because I'm not sure it means anything.

Take, for example, that 'diet' everyone's been meaning to start and stick to. Let's turn the idea around; that stranger you passed on the street, they don't give a damn what and how much you've eaten today. And neither does that guy who served you coffee.

Perhaps, failing [at that 'diet'] is just fine. So what you ate that cake? The world hasn't ended, and you are still very much alive.

I have learnt that:

• The results often exceed expectations.
• Failing doesn't make you a failure.
• Theory tests aren't so bad.
• You'll get there when the time is right - self hate isn't okay at any size.

❊

8am Sunrise

It turns out there are some beautiful benefits to forgetting to turn your 6.30am alarm off.

Initially, waking up at 6.30am felt miserable. Although, after half an hour reading and half an hour of intense yoga, I found myself incredibly energised. Lazing around the house until half ten didn't really feel like a good use of my time.

So, after checking what time the sun was due to rise, I packed my camera equipment, threw on some scruffy clothes and headed out.

Taken on Fujifilm Instax 210 - 8.01am

My first breath after stepping outside was bracing - I think it's easier to forget what the air feels like when you've been inside over night.

The roads were still, the trees tranquil and the odd chirping bird flew past every few seconds. Only walkers and their canine friends braved the crisp early hours (surprisingly, these are some of the friendliest people I've met, all willing to discuss their own morning routines).

View from the Skatepark at 8.27am - Taken on Fujifilm Instax 210

I strolled to the top of Valley Gardens to find a desolate skatepark and playground. Although I'd love to say I went for a 'Sunrise Skate', I really didn't. However, perching at the empty skatepark and taking photos was more than enough for me.

Valley Gardens at 8.33am - Taken on iPhone 4s

Following a long walk through Valley Gardens, from bottom to top, I started for home and the views were just as idyllic on the way back. 

Busier were the roads now and it wasn't easy to stand in the middle of traffic and shoot. Although, I am elated with this picture.

Taken on iPhone 4s - 8.37am

Reaching the point of my first photo, I thought it was only fitting to see how the sky had developed in 40 minutes. And here it is!

Taken on Fujifilm Instax 210 - 8.40am

The colours appeared a lot softer now and the vibrant pinks from the earlier shot had developed into a subtle rose tone. And the church's spire adds an additional focal point.

Walking up the drive, I realised just how contented I was. If you can't appreciate what you have at home, how can you appreciate anywhere else?

❊  

Autumnal Walks

Waking up earlier than I need to has some great benefits.

After some meditation and tea nothing pleases me more than getting outside when it's early and the air is crisp to wake up my soul... And the dogs.

❊